Now that True North have unleashed their new logo on the not so unsuspecting hockey world, it’s time for all of us to really start hating them for doing it.  So, let me get the party started, when talking to your friends this weekend you can say things like:

– “It looks like the jet is on fire!! LOL!!!1”

– “They only changed the logo so they make more money!!!”

– “It looks like the jet is exploding!!!!!!!!!!!”

– “Hockey logos suck nowadays!!! Every team should go back to their original logos!!!!!” (TIP: If you’re talking to someone who knows their stuff, and knows that the old logos aren’t always the best, you may have to be ready to throw your coffee in their face and run away.)

Anyway, you get the idea, no matter what these logos look like, they suck compared to the old ones.  Here is the history of the Jets…in logo form.

1980’s

 1990’s 

2011

Burton Cummings, the embodiment of Jets fans everywhere right now.

First off, congratulations to Jets fans everywhere, and the city of Winnipeg.  Second, my condolences to Atlanta and all Thrashers fans.

I’ll have more to say on this in the future but here are my initial thoughts on this whole thing…

– Bettman, no matter what he does, will never have any fans in the hockey world.  People complained that he would never allow another Canadian team under his watch, now they’re complaining that he wasn’t happy enough at the press conference announcing another Canadian team under his watch.  Well I’ll give you an idea as to why he may not be all that happy, he just watched a team move from the 9th largest metropolitan area in the United States, to Winnipeg.  Which brings me to my next thought…

– Winnipeg is now the smallest market in the NHL. Because Winnipeg’s rink is so small, even if the Jets sell out every game next season, it will finish no better than 24th in attendance across the NHL, based on figures for the 2010-11 season, trailing the likes of Nashville, Florida and Dallas, all money-losers last year. (link)

– The issue of moving teams to Canada seems to be more about U.S. vs. Canada, or everyone vs. Bettman, than it does about the actual long term viability of a market or the overall health of a league.

– A lot of players do not want to play in Winnipeg, rightly or wrongly.  The response to the team moving to Winnipeg has been unprecedented; we’ve seen analysts, agents, players and more players all speak up about how much players do not want to play in Winnipeg.  That being said, you know there are lots of guys out there dying to play their hearts out for a rabid Canadian crowd that will hold them up as gods if they can only win a few playoff series.  It’s also going to depend on what kind of culture this team builds, if they win, players will come.  So we’ll have to wait and see how this plays out, but in the meantime, prepare yourself for story after story of players not wanting to move to Winnipeg.

– Everybody wants this team to be called the Jets.  Everyone.  Now just do it.  Why start this whole process by pissing everyone off, and possibly making a very poor decision about names, jerseys and logos?  You would think the owners would have enough on their plates without having to worry about whether or not they’re creating the next Wild Wing?!?

The "Wild Wing" jersey. There are no words.

You have a logo, colours and a team name that are popular enough (after 15 years of that team not existing) that they still sell merchandise based on it, and you’re going to try to outdo that. On top of all that, you’re going to have to deal with the accusations that you’re just trying gouge your fans by asking them all to buy new jerseys, hats, pennants, bedsheets and underwear.  Good luck.

WOOOOOO…Hockey Rules!! Oh wait…that logo is referring to actual rules?!? Well…let’s get this over with.

Ahem…since the dawn of time man has yearned to increase the overall goal totals in NHL hockey games and, for just about the same amount of time, man has argued about the rules of the game and why they can never be altered to allow such a thing to happen.  More recently you’ve heard the NHL toy with everything from soccer nets to a three-point-line in an attempt to increase scoring but, at the end of each cycle, they settle with a couple of flaccid, toothless minor equipment adjustments and some morally ambiguous “proportional sizing“.

Not that you can blame them, hockey fans are notoriously hard on their sport and that goes doubly when they’re aiming their derision at the men in suits. So, since I tend to pull for the underdog (and it doesn’t get much more underdoggy than the guy who looks like The Penguin’s little brother and gets booed literally everywhere he goes, including when presenting the Stanley Cup to a home town team), I thought I’d give Gary Bettman a hand and give him a few juicy rule changes he can use to pacify the masses…I present you with the….rules you’d be stupid not to implement (working title).

1 – Let Them Play…..the puck.

Get rid of that ridiculous “trapezoid”.  I’m not convinced that stopping goalies from playing the puck every once and a while is really having the affect the NHL wanted, not too  mention how incredibly rude it is take away this part of a goalies game and, more importantly, it’s incredibly frustrating having to explain seemingly pointlessly complicated hockey rules to non-hockey fans.

And let’s be honest, we’re only one broken leg away from no-touch icing anyway, which will make these even more useless.

The only argument I need: Hockey rules should not double as great geometry exam questions.

2 – Goalies as Fair Game.

Let them play the puck, but make them think about it.  OK, so maybe not truly fair game, but fair enough that you don’t have to act like you’re taking communion from the Pope when all you’re trying to do is get a puck away from Reggie Lemelin.  Also, a little more freedom when rushing a goalie could go a looong way to creating more of those goalie bloopers we all know and love.

Another poor goalie, accosted by a brutish Atlanta Thrasher forward.

3 – Make all Curves Legal.

Good god, is it not time for this? It’s basically accepted that Ovechkin is using an illegal curve. If it’s good enough for the best shooter in the world today, it’s good enough for me.  Even without that argument, what reason could we possibly have to keep it? Leave some common sense clause in there that stops Sean Avery from walking out with a blade that looks like a pair of BBQ tongs lying on the ice and BE DONE WITH IT.

Ovechkin's stick blade, bent like a warm piece of licorice.

4 – Change Implementation of  the Too Many Men Rule.

This is my pet cause…to be honest, this whole article is written to house this one complaint.  It’s simple…at no time can there be more than 5 pairs of skates on the ice.  No more of this as-many-players-as-you-want-as-long-as-they-dont-touch-the-puck bullshit.  I don’t know what it is people don’t get about this, the argument is always the same, “he’s not playing the puck”, well get ready, because your logic is as cloudy as the ice at a Dallas Stars triple-OT playoff game and I am the Zamboni of truth; IT DOESN’T MATTER IF HE TOUCHES THE PUCK, he’s gaining a position, it affects the game the just as much as actually physically touching the puck!  Therefore, it should be illegal.

You force players to change properly and you have more space, more odd-man rushes, more stretch pass breakaways, longer shifts resulting in tired defencemen and therefore….more goals.  End of story.

It should be noted, I’m not necessarily in favour of increasing scoring, I think a 1-0 double overtime hockey game is one of the greatest things a man can enjoy on this planet, and therefore I’m not necessarily advocating any of these rules (except the too many men rule, that would just be too kick-ass).