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We’re back baby!!!!

12 Apr

Logo for the Stanley Cup Playoffs

Diving back into the online world of hockey writing/blogging/tweeting has reminded me of just how angry and negative hockey fans seem to have become.  If you didn’t know any better you’d think the Flyers had been caught slipping a fifty into the refs pocket and Shea Weber had literally murdered Henrik Zetterberg with his bare hands.  Like Marv crushing that guy’s head style murder.  For those of you that haven’t seen the incidents in question, relax.  One, they weren’t that bad and, two, they’re outlined below.

Flyers v. Pens

Briere Celebrates his goal against Pittsburgh

– Two players you barely noticed out there: Malkin and Couturier.  Strange coincidence.

– Just like Gretzky, Lemieux, Jagr, etc….try as you might, there’s no stopping Crosby, he’s simply too good.

– What does a comeback like that mean to Philly and to Ilya Bryzgalov in particular? Imagine being a Philadelphia Flyer and having confidence in your goalie.  That’s some Twilight Zone shit.

– Daniel Briere has 31 playoff goals/30 assists since leaving Sabres in 07. Sabres as an entire team have scored 33 playoff goals.

Shitheads v. Kings

Luongo makes a save versus the Kings.

– It literally took 5 minutes before the diving and faking started for Vancouver.  If this is how they think the playoffs work they’re in for a major surprise.

– People are really overlooking the Mike Richards factor.  This guy is an angry, mean, dirty, physical presence who just happens to be a Memorial Cup Champion, World Junior Champion, Olympic Champion and former NHL captain who’s already been to one Stanley Cup finals in his career.  It’s like he was built in a lab to anger and hurt the Vancouver Canucks.

UPDATE: Mike Richards was named the first star of the game.


Wings v. Predators

– Shea Weber hit according to Nashville Predators fans.

Shea Weber slams Henrik Zetterberg into the glass.

Shea Weber hit according to Twitter and Detroit Red Wings fans.

– The whole Predators gold-rush thing (I don’t know if they call it the gold rush or not, but if they don’t ,they should) is AWESOME.  They just need a bit more coherence.

– Weber will not be suspended.


All that’s old is new again….

11 Apr

Nothing to get the creative juices flowing like the opening of the Stanley Cup playoffs.  In between eating chicken wings and screaming at my TV laptop I found a list of old, unfinished Primitive Puck posts longer than a Leonard Cohen song (not my joke).  I figure this is as good a time as any to start posting some thoughts.  So, while I imagined a lot more fanfare in my return to writing for The Puck, this “article” will have to do.

While you’re reading this, I’ll be working on an algorithm that calculates which team’s fans are the whiniest on twitter.  Hint: It’s Pittsburgh.

Lapierre tries to get Bergeron to bite his finger

Check out this asshole right here.

– Remember how much we all hated those jerks in Vancouver?  Let’s do that again.

– Seriously, if you’re picking an all-time playoff hockey team, how high is Daniel Briere on your list?  He’s second in playoff goal scoring since the lockout.

–  Not unlike the researchers that discovered the new flavour called “Umami”, recently Sidney Crosby discovered a new emotion.  But unlike Umami, this new emotion can only be expressed by contracting all the muscles in your face in order to create a smaller, angrier, sadder face.

– Of all the fun, weird bets you can make on the playoffs, I’ve yet to see anything about when Don Cherry will create his first firestorm of controversy.  I’ve got money on his first segment after Vancouver plays.

– In that same vein, lay off Grapes would ya?  The world doesn’t owe you a commentator you agree with.  Replace Cherry with another Kelly Hrudey, nobody cares and nobody watches.

– I read somewhere that Brooks Orpik is a real son-of-a-bitch.  The more I watch him, the more I can see what they mean. That guy plays to hurt people.

– I have an old article called “Sidney Croncussionsby”.  I can’t wait to finish that up.

more later….


Whiny-peg Jets Logos….

22 Jul

Now that True North have unleashed their new logo on the not so unsuspecting hockey world, it’s time for all of us to really start hating them for doing it.  So, let me get the party started, when talking to your friends this weekend you can say things like:

– “It looks like the jet is on fire!! LOL!!!1”

– “They only changed the logo so they make more money!!!”

– “It looks like the jet is exploding!!!!!!!!!!!”

– “Hockey logos suck nowadays!!! Every team should go back to their original logos!!!!!” (TIP: If you’re talking to someone who knows their stuff, and knows that the old logos aren’t always the best, you may have to be ready to throw your coffee in their face and run away.)

Anyway, you get the idea, no matter what these logos look like, they suck compared to the old ones.  Here is the history of the Jets…in logo form.


80's WInnipeg Jets Logo




1990's Winnipeg Jets logo



New 2011 Winnipeg Jets logos


Flyer Sale

24 Jun

One year ago, the Flyers were two wins away from being 2010 Stanley Cup champion.  Four months ago, the Flyers were the odds on favourite to win be 2011 Stanley Cup champions. Earlier today, they traded away both their captain and their leading goal scorer in separate deals, then signed a 31 year old goalie (with no playoff success to his name) to a nine year deal, paying him 10 million in the first season.

The most shocking part of the whole thing? The Flyers may be a better team today than they were yesterday.

The Flyers Lost

– Their captain, and fan favourite.

– Their perennial leading goal scorer.

– A combined 130 points last year.

The Flyers Gained

– A high first round pick.

Highly touted prospect, Brayden Schenn.

– A combined 76 points.

– A third round pick.

– A second round pick.

– A top flight goalie (with limited playoff experience mind you)

– 11 million off the books.


And now…for something completely different.  Instead of the usual bullet point system, I’m trying out a sort of Point/CounterPoint format, tentatively titled “I hate this!!/I hate you!!”. The title seems appropriate since that’s what most of my hockey conversations boil down to. So, here we with the pilot episode of….


I hate this!!!

The Flyers needed a goalie, I get that, but according to everyone who matters, they were one step away from winning the cup (that step being a solid goaltender).  So all they needed to do was make enough room to sign a Bryzgalov type and lock down everyone else for a couple of years and you’re set.  Sure, they might have to move Matt Carle or Ville Leino but that’s a small price to pay to finally get a world class goalie.  Instead, the Flyers go and their two best players for a handful of drafts and prospects?  Ed Snider isn’t getting any younger, I thought the mandate was “win now, at all costs”, not “pick up some potentially great young talent that can come into it’s own as Daniel Briere and Chris Pronger get too old to be effective”.

I hate you!!!

Yes, the Flyers lost their captain, yes, they lost their leading goal scorer and annual 40 goal threat, but at the end of the day these were 66 point players last year and in trading them, the Flyers gained so much more.  In Bryzgalov they get what they haven’t had since Bernie Parent, a legitimate top-end goaltender.  On top of that they managed to stock up on three great young hockey players and three draft picks (including a first rounder). You’re saying to yourself, “those three players can’t put up points like Richie and Carter” and you may be right, but they may not have to.  Remember that Claude Giroux is only 23 years old, and JVR is starting to come into his own. In this last post-season, these two had 13 points to Richards/Carters 7.  Not to mention the whole idea behind getting a quality goaltender is that you don’t have to score as many goals.

Yes the Flyers need some of these young players to continue their development, but the Chicago Blackhawks showed the Flyers a couple of years ago, you can win with young talent, if you manage it well enough.

At the end of the day, the Flyers are younger, cheaper and they have a goalie.


NHL Awards – Primitive Predictions

21 Jun

2011 NHL Awards Logo

This isn’t who should win, this is who’s going to win, and why.

UPDATE: Primitive Puck goes 5 for 5 in NHL Awards predictions prophesies.

Vezina – Tim Thomas

When you set a record for the highest save percentage in the history of the game, you get the Vezina, period.

Hart – Corey Perry

To me this is clearly a two horse race, but the key will lie with the oft-argued definition of the award.  That is, that it’s given to the player who’s “most valuable to his team”.  With that in mind, it’s hard to argue with the guy who single-handedly dragged his team into the post season, scoring 15 goals in March alone, especially when he’s up against a guy whose team won the President’s Trophy and is playing on a line with the reigning NHL MVP and leading scorer.

Without Perry the Ducks don’t even get close to the playoffs, without Daniel Sedin, the Canucks finish 5th in the league instead of 1st.  No contest.

Norris – Lidstrom

I’m having a really hard time with this one.  It’s Chara or Lidstrom.  My thinking here is that the voting was completed when everyone thought Lidstrom was going to retire, so the Scorcese factor will come into play and Lidstrom will win.

Calder – Jeff Skinner

The youngest of the lot at 19 years old (Grabner is 23 and Couture is 22) leading rookies in scoring on a non-playoff team as an 18 year old is too good to pass up.

Lady Byng – St. Louis

Because 99 points, that’s why.

The other awards are a mixture of too boring and too difficult to predict, so I’m out of here!


21 Jun

Here’s what you missed while you were busy talking about Game of Thrones…the latest news at the start of what looks to be a very interesting couple of weeks….

– The cap is going up to 64 million. Great news for the Flyers and Devils among others.

– Ryan Smyth requests a trade, wants to go back to Edmonton.

– Ryan Smyth denies he requested a trade to go back to Edmonton.

– Flyers are close to signing newly anointed franchise saviour, Ilya Bryzgalov. The big question is what will it cost them? Matt Carle looks like the likely option at the moment.

– Jammy Jagr wants to be a Penguin again.

– Lidstrom saves the Red Wings one last time by returning for a 20th season. He also ensures there will be a long talk about his place in the greatest defenceman category and is a long shot to equal Bobby Orr’s record for most Norris trophies.

– I wrote an article for Hockey Quarterly, counting down the best draft day steals of all time.  Go read it!

– Neither Craig Mactavish, nor Craig Ramsay will be the first coach of the Winnipeg “Something-or-Others”.

– The Boston Bruins know how to party.

– Norm Macdonald continues to struggle to find a comedic home.  Sorry Norm.



Crank’s Corner – Vancouver’s Loss is Hockey’s Gain

20 Jun

Man having a heart attack

"Hey did you hear? Lapierre was just traded to the Red Wings!"


Well, the season is over, the riot is over, and any respect I had, which was very little if any, for Max Lapierre and Alex Burrows is forever gone. The only thing worse than an old school team like Boston losing to the Canucks would be the fact that  jerks like them would get to have their names on the Stanley Cup. Unacceptable!! I like to think that it is because of players like these that teams, who have every odds maker believing in them, lose. You see, odds makers use stats and numbers, not heart, determination, and respect to calculate who should win.

Who could cheer for the Canucks after watching the childish, YES CHILDISH, antics of not only those two clowns but also of the Sedin sisters. Thankfully, our great game was not reduced to the embarrassing level of a soccer match dive fest. I’m not a big fan of the NHL’s officiating (as my previous posts will attest) but they at least let ‘em play for the most part, although they had to try to even it up in the 3rd of game seven by throwing a couple of phantom penalties at the Bruins. It seemed to me that they were sending a strong message that you gotta man up and show some balls if you want the cup, and good on them.

I suppose every one will blame the players for Vancouver’s failure, but you gotta look at the management team that wasn’t savvy enough to realize that players like the one’s mentioned above will ruin any team’s chances by epitomizing how not to play the game, while undermining the good intentions and hard work of your classier players.

Embarrassed at home in game 7?  Looks good on ‘em.

Quite a Riot

17 Jun

I’ve avoided talking about the riot in general, both on The Puck and at work/home/bars/the street (at least as much as one can avoid talking about these things).  But in the end, like everything else, it turns out I have an opinion on it!!

“Smile, shitheads!” *CLICK*


Those aren’t real Canucks fans!

Yes they are, shut up. Professional rioters don’t buy $200 vintage Trevor Linden jerseys before they turn over a garbage can.  But don’t fret Van-City, it’s ok that they’re Canuck fans, this is not a phenomenon unique to Vancouver.  Get a large enough group of people together and you’re going to have some idiots.  Make that group trend towards young, add in some alcohol, whip them into a frenzy and cram them into a small area and guess what? A few cars are going to get turned over.


I think my biggest problem with the riot is that we may be beginning to set a precedent. Last year in Montreal, this year in Vancouver, I’m worried this may become a thing that we do, like putting maple syrup on sausages.  I sincerely hope that’s not the case because, while the occasional unruly mob doesn’t bother me, the idea that hockey playoffs will become tied with rioting is really terrible.  If for no reason other than I want to be able to stay downtown and drink after a game without being run over by a cop on a horse.

At the end of the day…

It wasn’t that bad.  Vancouver woke up the next morning as if from a horrible one-night stand, shook it’s head, looked around and was thoroughly embarrassed.  Now it’s dealing with the aftermath in a very Canadian way.  Hopefully the city’s memory is long enough that this doesn’t happen next year when Chicago beats them out of the playoffs in the first round.

Also, it’s not like Vancouver has the post-sporting-event-riot market cornered.

Vancouver riot police after Game 7

How do you know you’re at a Canadian riot?  The police wear hockey gloves and carry broom handles for clubs.

A man cheers in front of a burning car at the Vancouver riot

Nothing says “annoying riot dad” like a front-backpack, wrap-around sunglasses and a baldness hiding haircut.

Men standing in front of a burnt car

What’s the best way to look even dumber while having you’re photo taken in the middle of a riot?  Dress like Tank Girl.

Asian kid with a hockey stick at the riots

I have nothing that to say that could be as funny as this picture.

Game 7 – 2 Girls, No Cup

16 Jun


The Counting your Chickens award goes to….

“If we win,” predicted Kesler, the Canucks’ assistant captain, “then we’re legends”.  No word yet on what Kesler is now.

A Touch of Class

Alexander Burrows really let down the side (and Vancouver fans in general) with a blind-side head shot on Rich Peverley with about 5 minutes left in the game.  Peverley seemed to be unaffected by it, which is lucky for him (and Burrows), as I can’t imagine what it would feel like to listen to your teammates celebrate a Stanley Cup while you’re being checked by a doctor for a concussion.

I doubt a suspension will come of it because it’s the last game of the season and there’s so much else going on right now, but if ever there was a suspend-able hit, that would be it.


Why keep playing Luongo going into the third?  He’s not playing well, your team is down 3 – 0 and obviously needs something to get them going.  Did Vigneault really believe his team was going to turn it on by themselves?  As a coach sometimes you need to shake your players back into the game, Vancouver just kept rolling the same game plan even when it became obvious it wasn’t working.


One of the things I’ve grown to dislike in the “new NHL” is how powerful youth has become.  It’s getting harder and harder for older players to compete with the speed and power of today’s youth.

With that in mind, how awesome is Mark Recchi?  At 5-foot-nothing, and 43 years old, he’s still out there schooling younger, stronger, faster men, in the most difficult hockey tournament in the world.  Laying out fools and leading the final round in scoring, Recchi didn’t look out of place for a second.

Boston Bruins Cup Celebration

Pumping Tires

People are actually asking what will happen with Roberto in Vancouver in light of  his recent failures and his hefty contract, but I can’t imagine much. The guy backstopped you to a record setting season and then to game 7 of the finals, while getting nominated for the Vezina, hard to fire a guy for that, even if he didn’t play well at the end.


Could Cody Hodgson have helped out the Canucks in those final games?  I know a lot of people hate the shoulda coulda’s of hindsight, it must be hard for Canuck fans to see Tyler Seguin taking a regular shift and providing some spark from time to time while your team is struggling to get anything going offensively and your own wunderkind sits in the stands.

Vancouver Riots

Meh, more on this later.

2 Girls No Cup

Vancouver fan or not, that’s pretty funny.  NOTE: A friend sent me that picture, sorry I can’t credit the creator (send me a note if you know who it is).


7th Heaven! Lose-ongo!! No Doubting Thomas!!!!!!! STANLEY CUP PUNS!!!!!!!!!!

16 Jun

Tim Thomas lifts the Stanley Cup

I’m not a huge fan of hockey cliche’s but, in the end, the Boston Bruins just wanted it more.  From rookie Brad Marchand (2 goals, 1 assist in game 7) to 43 year old walking museum exhibit, Mark Recchi (7 points in the finals, +3 in game 7) to the oldest player to ever win the Conn Smythe, Tim Thomas, the Boston Bruins outhustled, outprepared, outworked and generally outplayed the Vancouver Canucks in game 7, which is a shame, because whether your a Boston or Vancouver fan, I think you wanted to see a tighter game than 4 – 0.

Luongo v. Thomas

If this was indeed the game and series that will define Roberto Luongo’s career, it’s going to be a long summer.  Not only was he beaten for three while watching his counterpart put up a shutout, he let in a goal mimicking the type of goal he famously claimed would be “an easy save for me” for the second goal of the game, and then showed a complete lack of determination on a Patrice Bergeron semi-breakaway for the back-breaking third goal of the game.

Throwing Vancouver’s performance into sharp contrast was an incredibly focused and determined Boston Bruins defence anchored by a very confident Tim Thomas.  Thomas ended his Conn Smythe award winning payoffs with a shutout on the road against the highest scoring team in the league, hard to beat that.

Disappearing Act?

Daniel Sedin, Henrik Sedin and Ryan Kesler combined to be a -10 tonight.  Kesler didn’t have a point in the series.   I’m sure we’ll find out about some injuries in the next couple of days, but it’s hard to win with those numbers.

The Horton Effect – Also known as the opposite of the Krejci effect.

When you have deep, balanced scoring like the Bruins, you can take what should be a devastating blow, like the hit to Nathan Horton, turn it into a motivator and continue to be successful.  The Bruins staff obviously did a great job of that.


I’ll have more of my trademark bullet point analysis tomorrow.  For now, I have to prepare for the long dark of the off-season.