Crank’s Corner

16 Apr

Here at Primitive Puck we have a few…..friends, who have some things to get off their chest. The man known only as Crank is one of these friends. At first I thought about asking this guy to start his own blog, but then I remembered I have a pickup game with him next week and I’m running out of my own teeth. So, without further ado, I bring you….Mr. Crank.


The Linesmen.

NHL Linesman

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"

WHO ARE THOSE GUYS??? Can any of you hockey fans out there name your all time favorite linesmen? I didn’t think so. Is that the reason that all of the present day linesmen seem to have a distinct hankering for the spotlight? There was a time when their main job was to call offsides as close as possible, even when no advantage was being gained and a delayed offside was a better option. Well now they have found a way to elongate their moments in the spotlight by refusing to drop the puck until the camera has been on them for a minimum of ten seconds. If things are lined up correctly before they get their face time, they simply kick one center out of the circle. This happens over and over during every game but, oddly enough, only ever happens one time per face off. You see, there is a rule whereby you must assess a penalty if someone from the same team is banned from the circle twice at the same face off. How quickly and obediently todays hockey players learn their lessons!! These same players who scrum after every freezing of the puck and are admonished repeatedly for it, not by a lowly linesman but by a red striper, and are repeatedly sent to the box for all sorts of other infractions apparently fear the dreaded face off penalty more than any other, because they never commit it. How can it be that so many times in every game they dare to line up incorrectly, not place your stick just so, have a skate over the line, or commit one of what must be a huge list of indiscretions ONCE, BUT NEVER TWICE. The only explanation is the linesmen want more recognition and this is their way of getting it. Apparently yelling out non infractions such as NO ICE or OKAY when a play is NOT offside isn’t getting enough people to talk about the job they are doing so poorly.

I LONG FOR THE DAYS WHEN A LINESMAN WAS ONLY HEARD FROM WHEN HE BLEW HIS WHISTLE, AND NO ONE KNEW THEIR NAMES.

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8 Responses to “Crank’s Corner”

  1. MCrearyFan April 16, 2011 at 8:42 pm #

    I always wondered, why is it that nobody ever gets kicked out of the opening faceoff? It can’t be a coincidence that I’ve never seen a guy get kicked out of the opening faceoff of a hockey game.

  2. Stop Complaining Old man April 16, 2011 at 10:33 pm #

    Typical “my era was better than yours” bullshit. This is hockey now. Maybe youd like the players to stop wearing their helmets?

  3. Hildegarde Kirn July 29, 2011 at 11:30 am #

    I just extra this site to my favorites. I enjoy reading through you. Tyvm!

  4. Ben Westcott February 24, 2012 at 6:19 pm #

    This is not even remotely close to being correct. You obviously have never been close to hockey in your entire life. Referees out there are doing their jobs perfectly. GUARENTEED if you look in the rule book(why should you, your too busy insulting them) you’ll see that they are getting their calls right and you are 100% wrong. Pathetic article.

    • igor February 29, 2012 at 4:05 pm #

      That’s either sarcasm or your dad was a referee. If somehow you actually believe things like “referees are doing their jobs perfectly” I’d love to debate this with you, but there isn’t a whole lot of substance in your comment. Could you give some insight into your “refs are perfect” theology.

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  1. » Crank’s Corner – Q&A PRIMITIVE PUCK - April 30, 2011

    […] The Crank takes time out of his busy schedule (yelling at the ducks in the park and trying to teach his dog to bark at that neighbour he doesn’t like) to answer your questions/comments/email about his Last Column. […]

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